


Habits

by angelfacedfemmeboy



Category: Glee
Genre: Control Issues, Drabble, Past eating disorder, Self-Comfort, headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6192790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelfacedfemmeboy/pseuds/angelfacedfemmeboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't sick.  Blaine was crazy.  No, Jeff was crazy, Blaine was paranoid on Kurt's behalf.  He understood the concern, he'd feel the same way if someone else did what he did, but they didn't understand and he was not going to explain it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Habits

He wasn't sick. Blaine was crazy. No, Jeff was crazy, Blaine was paranoid on Kurt's behalf.  
He understood the concern, he'd feel the same way if someone else did what he did, but they didn't understand and he was not going to explain it.

It mostly started in McKinley, when he would hold his breath and try and fade away into the lockers he would have been shoved against moments before. He'd pretend, just for a minute, that he didn't exist. Or at least that the rest of the world didn't.  
Before that, just after his mom died, he began to quite literally fade. His plate was hardly touched, though he tried to cook and bake like she did every day. Over and over he'd cook to have something to do and then learn how quickly each kind of food rotted in the trash when he didn't eat his portion.  
But the world was still there, just like Kurt. And when Burt realized what his son was doing, he was introduced to a therapist; It didn't work out so well for the first several months, claiming that he wasn't going to do what they wanted just because they said so and acting as if that was reason to stop eating. Regardless of how spiteful, he came around when he saw his dad cry for the second time in his life.

Things changed over the years.  
Kurt had to take care of himself. Burt wasn't the best at it and no one else was about to step in. So he watched what they both ate, including making sure stress didn't shrink his own portion.  
He worked out, he cooked, he cleaned, he kept in practice with all of his hobbies, he let himself indulge in his moments of peace in the halls, and he watched out for his friends when he could. If Kurt was good at anything, it was taking care.

He knows he has stress induced habits, but he tries not to think about them too much. As long as no damage was in sight and everything was held up to standard then he saw no problem letting himself do whatever made him feel better.

So when he wanted to disappear, he grabbed his favorite old hoodie that he regularly sprayed with the kind of perfume his mother always wore, and he'd close his eyes and be at peace.  
When it was control he needed or a boost of reassurance, he'd lay on his back and place his hands on his chest, feeling how hollow his stomach was and how many bones he could find as he trailed touch down to his hips.

Blaine thinks he doesn't eat enough, but Kurt has calculated how much protein, carbs, and fat someone his age, height, and with his activity level needs. He's on the soccer team, in the Warblers, and maintaining straight A's. He has to be careful with himself.  
He likes his control, regardless. Because no matter how much Blaine pesters him, he will continue to politely fight back by eating the minimum to remain healthy from time to time. And no matter how much Jeff insists that something can't be right about his comforts in their shared dorm, he will continue to lay on his back and feel his sharp edges or snuggle into the old jacket, and either way tune out the world.


End file.
